You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
