He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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