I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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