is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
