No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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