And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
