We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize