i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize