I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
