Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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