if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
where are my eyebrows?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
