I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
