you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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