it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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