Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
