so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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