Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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