My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize