do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
