Nicole vs. Life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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