I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize