He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
