everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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