I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
