I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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