Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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