I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
