Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
