Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
