either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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