I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
