Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
