Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
