I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
