I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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