At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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