I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
