I wish my penis had an off switch
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
