We won't sleep together?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
