Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
