Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
