I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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