Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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