I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
