u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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