It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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