I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
