p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
