Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
