Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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