Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
