i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
