And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
