i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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