I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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