I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
