Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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