Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
