I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you win again, gameday.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
