You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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