Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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