my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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