I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
