Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
