Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
