Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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