I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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