Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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