he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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